Happie Diwalie! - Those 2 words uttered or heard a zillion times by us.
Beginning a few weeks before Diwali, the contagion of Happie Diwalie just hangs there in the air – along with the thick wintry smog. Ready to descend, and infect. It starts its climb down pretty innocuously. The early wave of Happie Diwalie-s are a music to the ear. They ring a magical mystique, like the enveloping winter around us. You start looking forward to the happiness of times, gifts (incoming, ofcourse), holidays and break from office (and boss!). Magical mood. Glitzy lighting. Inviting malls. Relaxing moments.
But what goes up comes down. The magic starts wearing off faster than next rocket to the Moon. And then it starts getting heavy, it starts getting tiring. And at times…it starts also getting awkward. Some phone calls are exclusively dedicated to Happie Diwalie you. After 20 seconds spent in enthusiastic happie-Diwalie-ing, discussion suddenly becomes awkward, not knowing where to meander. How to now navigate the conversation or worse, how to end it?!
I end up so Happie-Diwalie-ed, that my mind is going ‘Happie Diwalie’ deaf. Happie Diwalie is raining from all directions. This is much much more of happiness than I can handle in my life time.
And in the midst of all this, the Happie Diwalie contagion of a different type starts spreading, pretty rapidly at that – everyone and anyone seeing you hits you with that. So much so that soon you feel abused exploited or fleeced, sometimes all 3, all in the name of Happie Diwalie. Naturally my body now squirms at any sound waves that even remotely sound Happie Diwalie.
The contagion leads to Happie Diwalie starting to morph into a monetary currency, stronger than any other currency of the world. Now this Happie Diwali Monetary Union – HDMU – starts happening just before Diwali, and continues till 2-3 days post Diwali. Lets see some of the examples in action.
My building watchman is generally in a slumped, unattentive, i care not shape most of the time. But you see that the Diwali contagion is infecting him. This drowsy guy is suddenly all attentive, crisply attired. I am walking out of the building Gate, when he – out of nowhere – thrusts a military grade salute in my direction, with a large beaming smile. Happie Diwalie sir. Having now been Happie Diwalie-ed, I am supposed to read the subtext and dole out monetary welfare.
Then there is this whole army of your solid support ecosystem – cook, dhobi, driver, bai. In this wonderful eco-system, one unit of Happie Diwalie is equivalent to a certain salary (read: bonus). So you gotta be ready to be Happie Diwalie-d by each one of them, and in turn, must dish out its monetary equivalent.
Happie Diwalie bombs could unexpectedly land at you from unsuspecting quarters – from this denizens of ‘I-don’t-know-you-but-still-Happy-Diwali-to-you’ part. My misfortune, that I had to visit a friend in the nearby building. I crossed the path of the building security guy. I guess my body odour put his olfactories on fire. He immediately sensed Happie Diwalie contagion in the air. Happie Diwalie, sir, landed the bomb on me. And then his eyes clearly challenged me – ‘Happie Diwalie bola na. Ab toh nikalo’!. The undertone of expectation was louder than the Happie Diwalie itself.
The significance of Happie Diwalie-ing with certain set of people lies in just verbally belching it out as a tool of extortion. Emotions be damned! I mean, money has no emotions –right? Or color for that matter! My car wash guy lands up at my door this morning. He is generally a quiet poker faced character. In most unenthusiastic tone, he demands my car keys. Today was no different in that sense. The moment I opened the door, there he was, promptly Happie Diwalie-ing me. In his usual dry, wry and humourless tone. It was demanding, bordering on extortion. Yes boss, I understand. Happie Diwalie = your bonus. Amen!
I hear India’s economy has pre-dominantly become a Service economy. Believe me, Happie Diwalie has a sizzling future in this. Any service laced with Happie Diwalie is tinged with slightly better quality. Keeping the bagful of provisions in my car (vs dumped all the time), it was impossible to not be hit by Happie Diwalie contagion of the shop helper. I could arrest that contagion from infecting further only after a mini bakhsheesh.
I am convinced Happie Diwalie can add lot of zing to our financial and other systems. I expect following to emerge shortly:
- Service tax on each unit of Happie Diwalie. And so, why should Income Tax be left behind? However, if you can prove that you received less than 20 units of Happie Diwalie, you are entitled to tax relief (I mean you seem to ‘’Below Happie Diwalie Line’).
- New horns for vehicles are under testing for introduction next year, to be obtained via a live USB update. Once enabled, when you honk, it actually will say Happie Diwalie, followed by a simulated cracker burst. This is expected to directly help in reducing road rage incidents, by Happie Diwalie-ing everyone.
- Govt is working on a GHDP (Gross Happie Diwalie Product) metric, on the lines of GDP. GHDP is expected to more closely tell the health of economy, and is likely to become the pre-dominant indicator of economy’s health. Stock exchanges are likely to introduce derivatives and other products linked to GHDP.
- To celebrate the fact that Indians are one of the largest Facebook fan, Facebook is planning to introduce ‘Appy-Dwali’ buttons. No need to type. Happie Diwalie anyone by just a click. Anyone getting Happie Diwalie-ed 10,000 times or more, gets a dinner with Mrs and Mr Zuckerberg, and ‘Angry Happie Diwalie Birds’ pack free.
- Bhai calling to wish you Happie Diwalie!
Possibilities are immense.
By the way, did I tell you? Happie Diwalie!
Cheers,
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